Zinc troopers and zoot-suitors,
a lady in a high-hat beaver
cheers the heavenly swoopers on
dipping and diving on golden swans
like Simon Dupree and the Big Sound.
Gentle giants roam the hills
Jumping Jack Flash and Tina Turner
are competing against a team of French runner-beans
in the three-legged race.
Derek Hatton and Gerald Ratner have both
been disqualified after a drugs test
Little Jack Horner is out of his face
after eating too many blueberry muffins again.
The Headless Rocking Horse has won the Steeplechase
but is in disgrace after having been photographed
necking with a wooden giraffe.
Salvadore Dali, lurking in the refreshments tent with a zippo,
denies all culpability...
Doris Day and Ernest Hemingway are having a whale of a time
trying to get into each other's corsets;
ten thousand hot air ballons are dropping full scale
models of the Tele-Tubbies over every square inch of Dorset.
Zinc Suitors with rusty bayonets lurk in high-hedged country lanes
waiting to surprise Hitler
- that wasn't Queen Boadicea you saw me outt with last night
that was my big sister.
Half a heart - keep Rolf Harris and Kylie Minogue apart.
You know it makes sense.
I tried to smuggle a cache of Radox lavender bath crystals out of Fort Lux
but find myself in Fort Knox instead:
I didn't come out smelling of roses
and the National Guard dusted me all over with greenfly
and stamped on my poor toeses
incase I got the urge to do it again...
if they'd only have asked I'd have told them that I'd learnt my lesson
and would only bathe once a week from now on...
there's more than one way to scale Mount Zion.
The bald truth is an octogenarain eagle
that likes to make a spectacle of itself.
Kinaesthesia is all in the mind
but some things are better left on the shelf.
Never trust a man who wears a hat.